Over the past several weeks, one person has been sending a steady stream of upsetting emails about DoulaMatch.net and about me, Kim James. Some of those emails have gone to my employers and to professional organizations I'm part of. Most recently, this person shared a post on social media urging doulas to "stay far away" from DoulaMatch.

If you've seen that post, or received one of these emails, I want you to have the honest context. I'm not going to share this person's name. My goal isn't to shame anyone. It's to explain what happened, how we responded, and why we've chosen to not engage.

What it's like to run a directory anyone can use

DoulaMatch is a small, family-run business. My husband Pat built and maintains the site, and I handle the doula community and support emails. We've run it this way for many years because we believe families should have one open, easy place to find doulas, and doulas should have an affordable way to be found.

Being open is the point, and it comes with tradeoffs. Doulas all over the country list profiles with us. Every week we hear from people with questions, complaints, and concerns, and most are easy to resolve. Occasionally two doulas in the same city end up with similar business names. Sometimes a doula believes another doula's profile is unfair, inaccurate, or copied from their own.

When that happens, we can't simply take one person's word over another's. We ask for evidence, we check what we can, and we go to the doula whose profile is being questioned so they have a chance to respond. That's how we'd want to be treated if someone reported us, and it's how we try to treat everyone.

What happened, and how we responded

In mid-September, we received two emails a day apart from a doula who had previously been a DoulaMatch member. They reported that another doula's profile was a "scam" and a "fake page." The concerns were that the other doula's former business name was similar to theirs, and that they couldn't find the other doula's nursing license in a state lookup.

I replied once. I wrote that many businesses have similar names, that I didn't understand why the profile was being called a scam, and that if there was real evidence the doula wasn't who she said she was, I'd look at it. I also noted that, without evidence, repeatedly targeting another doula's listing could be seen as harassment.

Looking back, my reply was brief and direct, the way many of my support replies are. I can understand how it may have landed harder than I intended. But the substance of it hasn't changed: we needed evidence before acting against another doula's profile, and none was sent.

At the same time, we contacted the doula whose profile was reported. She told us she had independently chosen a business name, had already rebranded to avoid conflict, and offered to verify her credentials. Later, she provided her nursing license information, which we confirmed through the state's public license lookup under her legal name. Her professional name is different from her legal name, which is common and explains why a name search came up empty.

That one reply on September 14 is the only time we have ever responded to this person.

What has happened since

After my one reply, the emails didn't stop. Between September 13 and October 15, this person sent us at least eight emails, often several within a few hours, and sometimes in the middle of the night. We did not respond to any of them.

The messages have included:

• Calling me racist and unethical, and saying that is "well known" in the birth community
• Demands that we remove the other doula's profile by a deadline, with threats of legal action if we don't
• Claims that dozens of birth workers are planning to "take us down"
• Screenshots of AI chatbot conversations presented as proof the other doula's certificates are forged
• Requests that we never contact them again, sent alongside new emails to us

This person also emailed the organizations where I teach and work, as well as professional organizations I'm affiliated with, accusing me of racism and of allowing a "fake" profile. I've been open with my employers about what is happening, and I'm grateful for their understanding.

Most recently, on October 26, a post appeared in an online doula community naming DoulaMatch and me, repeating the same accusations, and urging doulas to avoid us.

About the accusations

The accusation of racism is the one that hurts most, and I want to address it directly. Racism in birth work is real. Black birthing people and Black doulas face harm and bias that the rest of us have a responsibility to take seriously. I don't dismiss that, and I never will.

In this case, though, the accusation grew out of a single exchange: a request for evidence about a dispute between two doulas. We asked both doulas for the same thing. We would have handled the report the same way no matter who sent it or who it was about.

We also did not call this person a scammer. The "scam" label came from their report about the other doula. What I said was that targeting another doula's profile without evidence could be considered harassment.

To be clear about the facts we know:

• The doula who was reported cooperated fully and provided credentials we were able to verify.
• She had already changed her business name to avoid the conflict.
• We have not received any evidence that she is impersonating anyone.
• We have responded to this person once, and not since.

Why we've stopped responding

We've talked with an attorney about our options. For now, we've chosen not to engage. The content and volume of messages being sent leads us to believe any kind of exchange won’t help anyone, including the person sending them. We're keeping a record of everything in case we need it.

If you receive one of these messages

You don't need to reply, take sides, or forward it around. If you'd like us to know about it, you're welcome to send it to us at help@doulamatch.net. We appreciate it, and you don't need to explain.

We'd also gently ask that no one try to figure out who this person is or confront them on our behalf. Whatever they're going through, piling on won't make anything better.

Thank you

I've spent over 20 years in the birth world as a doula, educator, and trainer. Running DoulaMatch has been one of the great joys of that work, because it connects families with the people who'll care for them. One painful situation doesn't change that.

If you have questions about how we handle profile reports, or anything else in this post, please reach out. We're glad to talk with you. And to the person who has been writing to us: we sincerely hope you find the peace and support you're looking for.

With gratitude,

Kim James

Owner and operator, DoulaMatch.net